Olympics hurt Retail sales, I DON'T CARE

Figures show that retail sales in the UK fell 0.4% in August due to the success and popularity of the Olympics, going against initial predictions that the games would lead to an increase in retail spending.

I’m so surprised, not, before the games the government were telling anyone who could be bothered to listen that the Olympics would provide a surge in retail trade, but if you stop and think about it for a moment that logic was doomed to fail.

Who in their right mind would want to go shopping during the Olympics, for two weeks the world’s most prestigious sports competition came to Britain, a once in a lifetime, historic moment, and yet everyone in the retail sector was expecting us to ignore this so we could buy a few extra items of their s**t.

I don’t know who comes off worse in this situation the government for believing people wouldn’t watch the Olympics and go shopping instead, or the retail sector for believing them, this might be hard for those in the retail sector to fathom but while the Olympics were on no-one cared.

No-one cared about your latest sale, no-one cared about your promotional offers, no-one cared about your new product range of Olympic inspired tat, in reality we were all far more interested in finding out whether Jess Ennis would win gold, or whether Mo Farah could do the distance double, or whether Chris Hoy would become our greatest Olympian.  

Stephen Robertson head of the British Retail Consortium (BRC) actually had the audacity to say of these figures that:

“the feel good factor from the Olympics failed to inspire spending”

Maybe Stephen that’s because the British people for two weeks came to together and celebrated what is truly great about this green and pleasant land, instead of spending the whole time thinking, like you clearly did, about profits and margins.

In the words of the late great Bill Hicks:

“If anyone here is in advertising or marketing kill yourselves.

“Seriously, there’s no rationalisation for what you do and you are Satan’s little helpers.

“You are the ruiner of all things good.

“You are Satan’s spawn filling the world with bile and garbage you are fucked and you’re fucking us kill yourselves it’s the only way to save your fucking soul.”