Gareth Bale trying to trademark goal celebration

Tottenham and Wales winger Gareth Bale wants to trademark his heart-shaped hand gesture goal celebration, the trademark was filed on March 26 at the Intellectual Property Office which has listed the trademark’s owner as “Gareth Bale” courtesy of sports management company The Stellar Group Limited.

If successful Bale could pocket up to £3 million a year, and it could end up appearing on a list of items that include..... Jewellery, precious stones, leather and imitations of leather, animal skins, hides, trunks and travelling bags, umbrellas, parasols and walking sticks, whips, harness, saddler, clothing, footwear and headgear.

This is the most ridiculous story in football right now, how can you trademark a hand gesture that is so commonly used, this is just stupidity combined with greed.

Adding to this is the fact that Justin Bieber apparently also uses a similar gesture so there could be more to come from this.

But hopefully the Intellectual Property Office do the right thing and inform Bale and The Stellar Group where to stick their nonsensical application. 

Justin Rose wins U.S. Open

Justin Rose clinched his maiden major title to become the first Englishman for 43 years to win the US Open.

The 32-year-old won by two shots from now six-time runner-up Phil Mickelson and Jason Day on a gripping final day.

Rose, also the first Englishman to win a major since Nick Faldo in 1996, fired a level-par 70 to end one over as overnight leader Mickelson carded 74.

As usual I stayed up and watched the drama un-fold, and what a great feeling it was to finally see an Englishman hold his nerve down the stretch and win a major, rather than doing the usual of being there or thereabouts and then collapsing and finishing well out of it.

The two shots Rose hit into the 18^th were Hogan-esque, thought it was fitting that he hit his iron shot standing over the Hogan plaque, his game has slowly been building to this over the last four or five years winning Jack and Tiger’s tournaments, then the play-off event, then a WGC, and now a major.

Must say I felt for Mickelson that’s now six-times a bridesmaid, and that could be his last realistic chance to win it.

Hopefully seeing Rose win will give Donald, Poulter, Westwood etc. that extra bit of belief that they too can do it.

Thought the course was great and held the players to the usual U.S. Open score of around par, although I think the thick rough that sat an inch from the fairway was a little unfair, but it proved that a course doesn’t need to be 7,500+ yards to be challenging, just look at the world’s top three: Woods, McIlroy and Scott who finished a combined 42 over for the week. 

Men ‘to blame for the menopause’

Hot flushes, night sweats, mood swings - menopause and its side effects can all be blamed on men, experts suggest.

Evolutionary geneticists from Canada's McMaster University say men's tendency to choose younger mates meant fertility became pointless for older women. They say this eventually led to menopause.

It’s ironic that this study uses the phrase pointless, as that’s exactly what it is.

Of all the things there are to research about genes and yet those at McMaster chose this, what a waste of time.

A simple biology lesson would have saved them the time and told them that the older women get the more risks there are involved in reproducing, and also the fact that the advancements in medicine in the last hundred years means that life expectancy has shot up and exceeded the age of onset menopause.

Yet despite all this existing evidence they decided to press on anyway and have come up with a nonsense theory that nobody should pay any attention to. 

EDF Energy calls for ‘petrol station forecourt’ pricing

One of the UK's biggest energy suppliers has called for single-unit pricing for gas and electricity to help consumers compare tariffs as easily as they currently shop around for petrol.

EDF Energy said it would introduce the system if all other suppliers did too.

This sounds like a great idea, but unfortunately the idea of simplifying the market for the benefit of the consumer hasn’t gone down that well with those in the industry.

Ofgem, the energy regulator, said the scheme wouldn’t be as easy to implement as it might appear, British Gas, the UK’s largest energy supplier, rejected the proposal, and Co-operative energy said this system would produce winners and losers.

But under the current system there are already winners, the energy companies, and losers, the consumers, and introducing the system proposed by EDF would, hopefully, break the status-quo.

While this is an idea that would be popular with a large majority of people, unless everybody involved in the energy industry signed up, and given that British Gas have rejected the idea, it will be resigned as a great idea that could have made a difference, but nobody wanted to act on it.

However, there is one way that this idea could yet be introduced, the government. Yes the much maligned coalition, who have already publicly called on energy companies to simplify their tariffs, could ramp up the pressure and push this through, whether they will or not is another matter.  

But I hope they do because it would be a shame to see an idea consigned to the history books under the heading ‘chance wasted’.

Man calls Solihull police to complain about prostitute’s looks

A man has been warned after he dialled 999 to complain about a prostitute's looks after meeting her.

West Midlands Police said they were contacted by the caller who said he “wished to report her for breaching the Sale of Goods Act”.

The force said the call was received at about 19:30 BST on Tuesday complaining that the woman was not as attractive as she had claimed.

Officers have now sent the man a letter warning him about wasting police time.

Where does one begin with a story like this, this man arranged to meet a prostitute and when she showed up he was so angry that she wasn’t as good looking as he’d hoped, he called the police and reported her, unbelievable.

Clearly this guy is not a law student or someone with an ounce of common sense, because everybody knows people who sell things, even if it is their own body, are never completely honest, there’s always some exaggeration.   

I bet the person who took that 999 call must have thought they were hearing things, sorry can you repeat that sir you want me to send a car out to arrest a prostitute for lying about her looks!

If only the conversation between the guy and the prostitute was recorded that would have been something, when he saw her and said oh no this wasn’t what I was expecting I’m calling the police, I wonder if he contemplated asking for a discount?

This guy has got himself into a complicated situation he can’t get it for free, and yet he’s picky about paying for it, tricky one that.   

Nine-year-old gets past airport customs using toy passport

A couple were left stunned after their nine-year-old daughter, who looks nothing like fluffy fictional creature, managed to pass through Turkish customs officers - with a passport identifying her as a unicorn.

Emily Harris had taken the toy passport she had made for her pink toy unicorn, Lily, on holiday with her.

When the family passed through customs at Antalya airport to start their one-week holiday, flustered mum Nicky accidentally handed over the toy's passport instead of Emily's.

But they were stunned when they later realised their mistake - and discovered passport officials had even stamped the unicorn's passport, granting it access to the country.

You can’t make this stuff up you really couldn’t, if I made this story up and told it to someone they would rightly say that can’t be true you’re bu*******ing me, but amazingly this actually happened.

A customs official in Turkey looked at a fake passport with the photo of a unicorn on it and said yep you’re fine welcome to Turkey.

So if you’re thinking of taking a holiday and don’t want the usual hassle of diligent checks, then Turkey is the place for you. 

Football manager addict land national team job

Ricardo Manetti has been hired as head coach of Namibia based on his experiences on Football Manager, following a student earning a job in the Azerbaijan Premier League following success on the same PC game last year.

Lots of people think that by leading a non-league team to the Champions League on computer game Football Manager means they could cut it in the real world and Namibia seem to agree!

This is hilarious I have never heard something so stupid, how can you hire someone based on what they did on a computer game?

Are the army going to launch a big new recruitment drive saying if you’ve achieved the rank of major or higher on Call of Duty we want you!

I’m pretty handy at the FIFA games and quickly end up with five-star teams so by this logic I should be expecting to be hired by team and put in charge of transfer policy.

If I was interviewing someone for a job, any job, and they sat across the table from me and said I think I can do the job because I play a computer game that allows to fulfil a role similar to the one available, I would not be saying you’re hired I would respond with a barrage of expletives, after I’d stopped laughing in their face obviously.

I have no idea how many other people were in contention for this job, judging by who got it I’m guessing not many, but I can’t imagine how galling it must be for a real coach with real experience to find out that some guy who plays football manager got the job over them.

Who knows maybe this is the way teams will hire their coaches in future, never mind Mourinho and Guardiola with their two real-life champions league titles we want Dave who has won seven on football manager. 

£11 each to pay for 250,000 water bill dodgers

A quarter of a million Thames Water customers are refusing to pay their water bills, meaning bills look set to rise. 

Simon Evans, a spokesman for Thames Water said: “More and more of our customers are failing to pay their bills due to the effects of the ongoing economic downturn. The current situation is unfair on paying customers, who each pay £11 a year on their bills to cover the shortfall left by non-paying customers.”

Thames Water certainly has an interesting operating procedure in this area, instead of going after the customers who don’t pay tax they leave them and instead charge the ones who are paying tax extra to make up the difference.

Under UK law it is illegal to cut-off someone’s water supply, but do you know what else is illegal under UK law not paying tax, and I get the point that it would be inhumane to cut-off someone’s water supply, but companies can already cut-off your electricity and gas, so it’s ok in the eyes of the law for you to freeze to death in the dark!

Interestingly this story comes just days after Thames Water, Britain’s biggest water company, claimed that it was ‘delaying’ its tax contributions after it was found to have paid no corporation tax in the last year despite making a turnover of £1.8 billion and profits believed to be around £550 million, so maybe that’s what the 250,000 customers are doing following the companies example and ‘delaying’ paying their tax.

Women washed unexploded bomb in kitchen sink

A woman who discovered an unexploded World War II bomb in her garden terrified her husband by washing it in the kitchen sink.

Carole Longhorn, 65, took a number of unusual safety stops after discovering the explosive, including hitting it with a spade, before bomb disposal took it away and destroyed it.

I was left speechless when I read this how can someone be so freaking stupid, if you were gardening and dug up a shell-shaped metal object obviously the first thing you would do is smack it with a spade and bring it in the house, that’s bomb disposal 101.

I would love to hear Mrs Longhorn explain her thought process, because after bringing the bomb in the house she washed it up, how did that go, let’s see plates check, bowls check, cups check, cutlery check, unexploded bomb check.

When the bomb disposal team arrived what did she say, the bomb is back outside the grandkids are playing with it.

After it was taken away it was discovered that the bomb was infact still active, so Mrs Longhorn can count herself extremely lucky.

What will she do next find some Yellowcake uranium and serve it to her friends with a pot of tea! On the basis of this story I wouldn’t put it past her.   

Skirts for Sweden’s male train drivers

A dozen male train drivers in Sweden have circumvented a ban on shorts by wearing skirts to work in hot weather.

The workers, who operate the Roslagsbanan line north of the capital Stockholm, have been wearing skirts to work for the past two weeks.

Employer Arriva banned the drivers from wearing shorts after taking over the running of the line in January.

But the company has given the men its blessing to wear skirts, according to local newspaper Mitti.

I must start by doffing my hat to the 12 train drivers who ingeniously found a way around their employer’s new rules, but I have to ask if the company, Arriva, allow them to wear skirts then how can they not let them wear shorts?

What are they worried about, that shorts are too informal? I mean they’re train drivers they spend most of the day sitting down and the passengers will only see the top-half of them anyway, they could be naked from the waist down and nobody would notice.

Hopefully Arriva will realise the ridiculousness of the situation and let them wear shorts.