British swimming woes due to wrong kind of water

It wasn’t a lack of determination or the failure to prepare properly that caused Britain’s swimmers to bring back just one medal from the FINA world swimming championship in Barcelona.

Oh no, their poor performance was due to the fact they had been training in the wrong type of water.

Bill Furniss, head of British Swimming, explained the perfect design of Sheffield's Ponds Forge pool and the consistency of the water were hampering competitors because they were unable to reproduce their fastest times in other pools.

It’s a bit of a cliché but now I really have heard it all, our swimmers were training in the wrong kind of water and that is why they performed poorly at the world championships, that has to take gold for the most pathetic excuse ever given.

Let’s play devil’s advocate for a moment assume that this excuse is correct and our swimmers were training in the wrong kind of water, why didn’t anyone say anything and why didn’t they change where the swimmers practiced?

When you’re in charge of anything and results are bad there is, naturally, a temptation as the one in charge to say it’s not my fault and look for someone else, or something else to blame, but in this case Mr Furniss has only dug a bigger hole for himself.

If he had come out and apologised for the poor showing and said it was my fault, I take responsibility and I’ll either resign or make some big changes to the way things are done then he may have retained some modicum of respectability, but he choose not to do that and has instead made himself, and British Swimming, out to be more of a shambles than we already thought it was.

England retain the Ashes

England retained the Ashes by drawing the third Test as rain ended Australia's final-day victory push at Old Trafford.

The tourists were in a commanding position, having removed Alastair Cook, Jonathan Trott and Kevin Pietersen to reduce England to 37-3 in pursuit of an unlikely target of 332.

But, yesterday, recurring showers prevented any resumption of a compelling contest after 14:03 BST, and the captains shook hands on a draw at 16:40.

First off I must say that Australia were very unlucky in this test because if there was a full days play yesterday then they would have won it and the series would have been back on, but the odds of having five consecutive days of good weather in England are very unfavourable.

Although as an Englishman, even though it was the dullest way to do it, we won the Ashes for the third time in a row and can now begin thinking about defending them down under in a few months time as we go for four in a row.

One tiny little technicality point to finish on, I think it’s stupid that everyone is reporting that England retained the Ashes and that more needs to be done to win them outright, but as they’ll now fly to Australia with the urn so doesn’t that mean they already have. 

Killer dogs’ owners could face life in prison

The owners of dogs that attack and kill someone could face life in prison under new proposals for England and Wales.

The current maximum prison sentence for allowing a dog that kills or injures someone to be dangerously out of control is two years.

The government has proposed a number of sentencing options for a fatal dog attack - from seven years to life. But the RSPCA said more needed to be done.

Whenever the government tries to address any issue the more needs to be done line will always be used so no surprises there, but this is a necessary step because the current maximum of two years is woefully inadequate.

Hopefully this will, in time, make people either look after their dogs properly or better still mean less people will want one of the stinking, slobbering, shitting, stupid things.

I’ll back anything that might lead to that. 

Charity Commission chairman issues pay warning

Large salaries paid to charity staff could “bring the charitable world into disrepute”, a regulator has warned.

Charity Commission chairman William Shawcross said organisations must ask if pay levels are “really appropriate”.

The Daily Telegraph reported 30 staff at 14 leading UK foreign aid charities were paid £100,000 or more last year.

That is an eye-watering amount of money to be paying anybody let alone the boss of a charitable organisation, what’s more unnerving is the comment from Sir Stephen Bubb who said that the big national and international charities need to offer big salaries to “attract the best talent to those jobs”.

The choice of words is very interesting because it’s precisely what the big banks say when they try and justify excessive bonuses, and besides that I thought the whole idea of charity was to give.

It’s a very contradictory message these charity bosses are sending, their happy to give their time to run a charity so long as their lavishly paid for the privilege. 

Government wants to expand childcare voucher scheme

The government says it wants to expand a new childcare tax credit scheme to include parents who stay at home because they are carers.

A 12-week consultation on the system - which was first announced in March’s budget - is expected to start later.

Families with two working parents on less than £150,000 each would be able to claim up to £1,200 a year per child.

I hope during the consultation period someone brings up the major discrepancy in this scheme that means if both parents work and bring in £200k a year they will be entitled to claim up to £1,200 per child, yet if one parent works and earns £60,000 and the other stays at home to look after the child they are entitled to absolutely nothing.

I would really like to hear George Osborne, David Cameron, or frankly anybody try and explain to me because however you look at it, it doesn’t make any sense.

In March’s budget, when this scheme was announced, George Osborne also cut winter fuel allowances for the wealthiest pensioners, now couldn’t the same sort of logic be applied here, if a family are bringing in £200k a year do they really need the option of claiming up to £1,200 per child, I don’t think so.

Surely it would make more sense just to means test families so that those who need financial support get it and those who are financially secure don’t.    

World’s first lab grown burger to be eaten today

The world’s first lab-grown burger is to be unveiled and eaten at a news conference in London today.

Scientists took cells from a cow and, at an institute in the Netherlands, turned them into strips of muscle which they combined to make a patty.

Researchers say the technology could be a sustainable way of meeting what they say is a growing demand for meat.

This all sounds interesting enough but dig a little deeper and a number of problems present themselves, for starters the project to grow just one burger cost £215,000 so at the moment the market for this burger is limited to Sheikh’s and Oligarchs.

The next problem is a double-whammy, the lab-grown burger doesn’t look like, or taste like normal meat, the meat is naturally white in colour and the one eaten today is going to be couloured with beetroot juice just to make it look right.

Also I recall watching a programme last year where Jacques Peretti visited the lab where this was happening, so it’s taken at least a year for them to make one burger.

Even one of the colleagues of the man behind this idea, Prof Mark Post, admits that if they can’t get the look or taste right it won’t be a viable replacement, and that it’s very much a work in progress.

So to summarise at the moment one lab-grown burger costs £215,000, takes at least 12 months to make, and has to be coloured and flavoured because otherwise it will look and taste bad, so as a result of all that I think I’ll stick with the conventional non lab-grown burgers.

Archbishop embarrassed over Wonga link

The Archbishop of Canterbury said he was “embarrassed” and “irritated” that the Church of England invested indirectly in online lender Wonga.

It comes after the Most Reverend Justin Welby told Wonga the Church would try to force the firm out of business by helping credit unions compete with it.

But the CofE later admitted it invested in funds that provided money for Wonga.

I think if this row over Wonga and other pay day lenders has taught us anything it’s that you should always make sure your own house is in order before you come out and criticise.

This is just like Newcastle striker Papiss Cisse who said he wouldn’t wear a shirt with Wonga on it because of his religious beliefs, and he was then spotted in a casino, what’s that phrase those in glass houses. . . . .

Don’t think for a moment that I’m defending Wonga or I’m on their side because I’m definitely not, but a word of advice to Cisse and the Church if you’re going to criticise make sure there’s nothing hiding in the woodwork that can come out and make your criticism redundant.

They say any publicity is good publicity, so if that truly is the case then I bet Wonga can’t believe their luck.

  

Man caught with prostitute says he was trying to buy tomatoes

A man caught with a prostitute in his car told police she was there to show him where to buy tomatoes.

West Midlands Police said officers found the woman sitting inside Muhammad Ikhlaq's car while he withdrew £20 from a cash machine, which he said was to pay for tomatoes.

Ikhlaq, 39, of New Street, Dudley, was found guilty of soliciting and fined £400 at Walsall Magistrates' Court.

It continues to amaze, and amuse, me when people get caught in situations like this, that they still think they can weasel their way out of it by offering up some ingenious excuse that will leave the police flabbergasted and give them no choice but to let them go.

While that’s what might be going through the minds of these people we all know the reality is very different, this story being the latest example.

I know fresh fruit and veg is quite expensive these days, but £20 how many tomatoes was Ikhlaq planning to buy?   

Also as this incident would have taken place at night, Ikhlaq didn’t have to resort to asking a woman he met where to buy tomatoes, I mean if he doesn’t know where to get them at 39 frankly he doesn’t deserve them, he could have just popped into his local Tesco extra.

All Ikhlaq had to do was admit responsibility and that would have been it, but no he had to make up some harebrained excuse and now his story has been covered by all the major news organisations and he’s been made to look like an idiot.

Instead of the judge on his case decreeing that Ikhlaq pay over £1,000 in fines and costs, maybe he should have ordered Ikhlaq to be put in the stocks and pelted with £20 worth of tomatoes, that might teach him a lesson.

London Anniversary Games, why?

Over the next three days London’s Olympic stadium will play host to the Anniversary Games, featuring many stars of the last Olympics, but the question I have is why it is happening at all.

Of all the Olympics I’ve watched I don’t remember everybody reconvening a year later, for a weekend to reminisce and put on a few events again.

These games will never replicate the drama and excitement of the real Olympics, nor will the events be anywhere near as competitive so I’m still really struggling to understand why they’re taking place, because to me it just sounds like a regular athletics grand prix with a fancy name.     

   

Gerardo Martino appointed Barcelona manager

Barcelona have appointed Argentine Gerardo Martino as their new coach after he agreed a two-year contract.

The 50-year-old former Paraguay boss replaces Tito Vilanova, who stepped down as Barcelona manager to continue his treatment for cancer.

He was recently in charge of Newell's Old Boys, who he led to the Argentine Torneo final title last season.

First of all it’s a shame that Vilanova couldn’t continue, but he’s got much more important things to worry about and hopefully he’ll make a return to football in future.

This appointment is interesting because Martino hasn’t risen through the ranks at Barca so I wonder what fresh perspective he’ll bring, because last season, granted there were mitigating circumstances, Barca did look a little predictable and one dimensional.

But there is one glaringly obvious thing Martino can do straight away that would move Barcelona forward and it’s something both Guardiola and Vilanova should have done and that is buy a top-class centre back, and not buy a defensive midfielder and try and turn them into a centre back, because it doesn’t work.

Also interesting that Martino has only been given a two year contract, so Barcelona are already hedging their bets in case he doesn’t work out next season.