Man sells cans of fresh air in China

Rapid industrialisation has covered northern China in a dense cloud of toxic chemicals.

So entrepreneur Chen Guangbiao, reportedly worth $740m, has started selling cans of fresh air for 5 yuan each.

According to one report they come with atmospheric flavours including “pristine Tibet, post-industrial Taiwan and revolutionary Yan’an.    

In an interview last year Chen explained the process for canning air, he said that the air is put into pull-tag cans he invented, with a chip in each can.

The air is not compressed – he said his staff need only swing their hands three times to push the air into the can. 

When there is enough air, the chip will make the cap close automatically.

While capitalism and CO2 levels maybe soaring in the China so it seems are the levels of gullibility.

This process for collecting air just sounds to me like Mr Guangbiao has sent his minions half way up a mountain, or very steep hill, where they wave a can about for a bit put the lid on it and then they bring it back and sell it.

What’s even crazier is that people are actually buying it, never mind the fact that the pollution created to make those cans will offset all the fresh air they bring back.

According to the BBC, Beijing has reported air quality readings that show pollutants present at 20 times the recommended limits.  

And if that level of pollution continues it might reach a point in China where you won't be able to see your hand in front of your face, but never fear Mr Guangbiao has announced his next innovation boxes of sunlight.

They provide a beacon to guide you through the smog and allow you to find your way home, but not after you’ve parted company with 10 yuan.

Call for soft drink tax in Budget

Leading medical bodies are calling for a 20p-per-litre levy on soft drinks to be included in this year's Budget.

More than 60 organisations, including the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health, are backing the recommendation by food and farming charity Sustain.

They say it would raise £1bn a year in duty to fund free fruit and meals in schools to improve children’s health.

The soft drinks industry says raising taxation is unnecessary.

At first I thought this was a little extreme, but having thought about it the fact that this idea was suggested in the first place highlights the scale of the problem.

It also shows that the current measures in place simply aren’t working, and if this is a way to really start to address and change the problems caused by childhood obesity then surely it’s worth a try.

Change in nursery ratios ‘to improve standards’

Nurseries and childminders in England are to be allowed to look after more children, in a package ministers say will improve quality and cut costs.

The ratio of children to carers can be raised, but only if carers' qualifications meet new standards.

Children's Minister Liz Truss said the proposals would make more childcare places available and reduce costs for parents in the “long term”.

Critics warn the change in ratios could actually compromise quality of care.

England’s nursery ratios

CURRENT

• ·         Under one and one-year-olds - 1:3
• ·         Two-year-olds - 1:4
• ·         Three-year-olds and above - 1:8 or 1:13 (teacher-led)

PROPOSED

• ·         Under one and one-year-olds 1:4
• ·         Two-year-olds - 1:6
• ·         Three-year-olds and above - 1:8 or 1:13 (teacher-led)

There’s a bit of a contrast here, I’m struggling to grasp how nurseries can provide better care by being allowed to look after more children, that doesn’t make any sense.

That line of improving quality is clearly there to try and soften the impact of the next phrase which is the main aim of this proposal to cut costs.

But the government can’t just say we’re cutting childcare funding, so they have to invent this pseudo ideal that it will benefit everyone, even if it's blatantly obvious it won't. 

I wonder if this is the first place the government has looked to try and raise some of the £32bn needed for the HS2 high-speed rail.

Enjoy FA Cup magic while it lasts

This weekend saw the fourth round of the FA Cup and for now the magic of it is back, in the last 48hrs there have been shocks and upsets here there and everywhere.

Luton’s 1-0 win over Norwich meant they became the first non-league side to beat a top flight team since 1989, Millwall heaped more misery on Aston Villa, Leeds beat Spurs, the MK Dons embarrassed QPR and to round of the weekend Oldham beat Liverpool.

Assuming Chelsea beat Brentford at home, which you’d expect them to do, nine of the 16 teams left in the draw will be from outside the top flight which is the most for quite a while.

But I’ll say it again enjoy it while it lasts, because the nearer you get to the final the magic and the opportunities for it tend to drain away.

For no good reason the semi-finals are both at Wembley and for the final both teams are given about 25,000 tickets each, despite the fact that Wembley holds 90,000, with the other 40,000 going to people who aren’t interested in the game whatsoever and spend the whole 90 minutes nowhere near their seat.

So while it certainly has been one of the great weekends of cup action enjoy it now before it gets to the part where you think to yourself oh yeah it’s been reduced to a shadow of its former self by corporate greed.   

HS2: high-speed rail details announced

Details of the next phase of the £32bn HS2 high-speed rail network have been announced by the government.

The preferred route of phase two running northwards from Birmingham will have five stops: Manchester; Manchester Airport; Toton near Nottingham; Sheffield; and Leeds.

Chancellor George Osborne said it would be “the engine for growth in the north and the midlands of this country”.

Phase one's London-Birmingham link has faced considerable opposition.

The Department for Transport said that HS2 phase two would virtually halve journey times between Birmingham and Manchester - to 41 minutes - and between London and Manchester from two hours and eight minutes to one hour and eight minutes.

Speeds of up to 250mph on HS2 will also reduce a Birmingham to Leeds journey from two hours to 57 minutes, while phase one will cut London-Birmingham travel to 49 minutes, from the current one hour and 24 minutes.

Construction of the London-West Midlands route is expected to begin around 2017, once Parliament has approved the necessary powers, probably in 2015.

Construction on the Y-shaped extension could start in the middle of the next decade, with the line open by 2032-33.

Since this project was initially unveiled rumours have been rife that it was to be abandoned, that George Osborne had gone cold on the idea, but having had the weekend to mull over the last weeks GDP numbers his mind has clearly been turned.

It’s clear that the government need to spend more time investing and less time saving, because as the evidence has shown their plan hasn’t worked, and a big investment in infrastructure is the logical choice.

But like so many other government initiatives the start date has been pushed back until after the next general election, why?

If this project is an “engine for growth” then why not start now when we most need growth and not in four years time.

UK economy shrinks by 0.3%

The UK economy shrank by 0.3% in the last three months of 2012, further fuelling fears that the economy could re-enter recession.

The Office for National Statistics (ONS) said the fall in output was largely due to a drop in mining and quarrying, after maintenance delays at the UK's largest North Sea oil field.

The economy had grown by 0.9% in the previous quarter, boosted by the London 2012 Olympic Games.

For the whole year, growth was flat.

The ONS said that the “bumpy economy” was on a “sluggish trend”.

Each time these figures are produced the outlook looks bleaker and bleaker and the forecasts for growth get pushed further and further into the future, and becomes harder and harder for George Osborne to justify his economic strategy.

The UK could be on course for a triple-dip-recession and with many business leaders, economists and even his coalition partners calling for a change of tact, maybe today’s news will finally convince Osborne a fresh approach is required.

This is the fifth time out of the last eight quarters that the economy has contracted, and with mounting pressure from all sides now should be the time for Osborne to step up and admit he’s got his tactics wrong.

Obviously he won’t do that he’ll try and explain it away, but he needs to admit his plans aren’t working because if he continues to put the blinkers on and ignore the overwhelming evidence and refuse to change course, all he will do is inflict further damage. 

Eden Hazard apologises for kicking ball boy

Chelsea’s Eden Hazard has apologised kicking a ball boy during their League Cup exit to Swansea.

The Belgian was trying to retrieve the ball from under the ball boy who had fallen on top of it.

Hazard, who was shown a straight red card by referee Chris Foy, later told Chelsea TV: “The boy put his whole body on to the ball and I was just trying to kick the ball.

“I think I kicked the ball and not the boy. I apologise.”

South Wales Police said no action would be taken against Hazard.

I watched the game last night and was surprised at what I saw, for the entirety of the game the ball boys for Swansea were deliberately slow in returning the ball to the players, and the FA should investigate Swansea for that.

Then we come to the incident, Hazard was wrong to take the bait and kick at ball but the ball boy decided, without any contact from Hazard, to dive on top of the ball and then smother it and do all he could to stop him from retrieving it.

Hazard kicked the ball not the boy the ball, if you watch the replay the ball boy holds his ribs for a bit looks up at the ref gesturing did you see that punish him and then goes back to rolling around, so he was clearly feigning the whole thing.

The referee, Chris Foy, adding to the comedy of errors decided that Hazard should be sent off for violent conduct, what’s he put in his match report sent Hazard off for kicking the ball.

South Wales Police have said no action would be taken, but the fact that they even considered it is stupid enough.

In the aftermath of it all it is worth remembering Swansea are actually through to the League Cup final, which hopefully Bradford will win because after watching them get to the final you felt the magic of cup football, whereas when the game ended last night the whole thing felt rather sour.  

Cameron’s EU referendum pledge

David Cameron has said the British people must “have their say” on Europe as he pledged an in/out referendum if the Conservatives win the next election.

The prime minister said he wanted to renegotiate the UK’s relationship with the EU before asking people to vote.

The British people would face a “very simple choice,” he stated, either to accept the result of the talks or leave the EU altogether.

Having previously stated that he wouldn’t hold an EU referendum, Cameron’s backtrack signals that he will use this referendum merely as a negotiating tool for when he tries to re-negotiate Britain’s relationship with Europe, particularly when you consider it won’t be held until after the next election.

While today he may have confidently offered the British public a referendum I think he hopes that it will never reach that stage and that he can resolve any issues between Britain and Europe long before then.

But if he can’t resolve the issues and if the Conservatives win the next election and we are indeed offered a referendum I would certainly vote to stay in Europe.

I don’t see how telling the rest of Europe: “we don’t want to be associated with you anymore,” will benefit Britain in anyway.

All it would do is alienate us and damage our trade and economy, why would you want to vote in favour of that.  

Snow stories repetitive and boring

As most of Britain is currently covered in a blanket of snow the providers of the news are frantically dispatching reporters here there and everywhere to report on the situation, but there’s a problem they’re all reporting the same tedious drivel over and over again and I’m fed up with it.

They all say the same things there have been disruptions at airports and its taking people longer to get home from work because the roads are iced up, oh thank god you've told me I’d never have been able to work that one out for myself.

But the icing on top of the cherry on top of the cake has to be when the regional reporter’s interview the owners of local businesses, they all say well since it started snowing we've seen a decline in the number of people who come into our shops and decline in sales, never, I mean what were they expecting, well when it starts snowing people won’t want to be wrapped up warm at home they’ll want to trudge into our shops and buy our crap, don’t think so.

So this really is an appeal to any news outlet that has reported on the snowy conditions in the last week-or-so, find something else to cover because when it comes to things related to snow and the weather you've shown pretty conclusively that you’re all out of ideas.  

Subway’s ‘foot long sandwich comes up short

US sandwich chain Subway is caught up in an online furore after an Australian teenager measured his “foot-long” sub and found it was an inch short.

Matt Corby’s photo of the sandwich next to a tape measure has attracted hundreds of thousands of likes and hundreds of comments when he posted it on Subway’s Facebook page.

In response, Subway Australia said the “Subway foot-long” was a registered trademark “as a descriptive name for the sub sold in Subway restaurants and not intended to be a measurement of length.”

I think that’s a pretty hasty and pretty poor excuse, if you call something a foot-long then I think it’s fair for the customer to assume that when they order they’ll be getting a 12 inch sandwich, don’t you.

The sandwich sold to Mr Corby was a full inch short; he’s only getting 92% of what he paid for he must have been starving.

In fairness I have some sympathy with Subway of all the times I’ve been in one I’ve never seen anyone whip out a tape measure to make sure their sandwich is the appropriate length, I mean does this guy take scales with him to the supermarket and go this pack of biscuits is supposed to weigh 100g it only ways 98.6g, where’s the manager.

But Subway seriously you need to come up with a better riposte than it’s a registered trademark, maybe you could give everyone who comes in a free tape measure so they can check their sandwich is the right length, or even put Mr Corby in charge of quality control because it looks like he has a knack for spotting faulty goods.

Web ‘re-defining’ human identity

Social networks such as Facebook and online gaming are changing people’s view of who they are and their place in the world, according to a report by the government’s chief scientist.

The report published by Prof Sir John Beddington, says that traditional ideas of identity will be less meaningful.

One consequence could mean communities becoming less cohesive.

This change could be harnessed to bring positive changes or if ignored could fuel social exclusion, says the study.

So its official Facebook and other forms of social networking have turned us all into faceless recluses who are losing our identities while gradually fading into complete anonymity.

I’m sure there are some positives to social networking but there are way too many negatives and I think everyone would be better off we used them less or even better stopped using them altogether.

Suarez admits diving

Luis Suarez could face sanctions from Liverpool after admitting he dived during a match at Stoke earlier in the season.

Suarez admitted to “falling” during October’s goalless draw at Anfield.

Reds boss Brendan Rogers revealed the club would take action, and said “I think it is wrong. It is unacceptable. I have spoken to Luis and it will be dealt with internally.”

He went on: “[Diving] is not something we advocate. Our ethics are correct.”

Suarez made the admission to Fox Sports in Argentina, saying: “Football is like that. Sometimes you do things on the field that later you think ‘why the hell did I do that?’

“I was accused of falling inside the box in a match, and it's true I did it that time, because we were drawing against Stoke at home and we needed anything to win it.”

This is certainly a strange one, in the first few months of the season there were incidents were Suarez went down too easily, as we now know he took a dive, but then after that he seemed to make an effort to stay on his feet, and yet he now comes out and admits that he dived in a match three months ago.

It’s also strange because he’s admitted to diving, so do you say well at least he admitted to it or does it make him a fool for bringing up an incident everyone’s forgotten about.

Liverpool say he will be dealt with internally, but I think if football is serious about addressing the issue of diving then hopefully the FA will step in and ban him and start to send the message that diving won’t be tolerated.

Of course all the attention shouldn't be directed at Suarez as there are numerous other examples of simulation from a number of players this season and they too should be punished, but when you give an interview and admit to it you’re bound to find yourself in the spotlight.

It’s still fascinating to me why players dive because there is an abundance of cameras at every game that ensure nothing is missed, so there’s no hope of them getting away with it and say they do get away with it on the day and get a penalty, a free kick, or an opposition player sent off, all it will do is get them a reputation as a diver.

I mean I’m not question the intelligence of footballers.............

US employee ‘outsourced job to China’

A security check on a US company has reportedly revealed one of its staff was outsourcing his work to China.

The software developer, in his 40s, is thought to have spent his working days surfing the web, watching cat videos on YouTube and browsing Reddit and Ebay.

He reportedly paid a just a fifth of his six figure salary to a company based in Shenyang to do his job.

Operator Verizon says the scam came to light after the US firm asked for an audit suspecting a security breach.

According to Andrew Valentine, of Verizon, the company had discovered of an open and active VPN connection from Shenyang to the employees workstation.

Further investigation into the employee’s computer revealed hundreds of PDF documents of in voices from the Shenyang contractor.

“Evidence even suggested he had the same scam going across multiple companies in the area. All told, it looked like he earned several hundred thousand dollars a year, and only had to pay the Chinese consulting firm about $50,000 (£31,270) annually,” Mr Valentine said.

The employee now no longer works for Verizon.

This has to be one of the strangest and most surprising stories I’ve come across, we all know of the vast amount of jobs that are outsourced by companies each year, but this is the first I’ve heard of an employee doing it themselves.

It’s hard to work out whether this employee is very clever or very stupid, clever because he managed to outsource his job for a fraction of his salary and was free to spend his day watching cats play the piano, or stupid because he was bound to get found out and now subsequently doesn’t have a job.

Also when he tries to get another one what’s he going to say when they asked and why were you sacked by Verizon?

There’s always a furore when a company announces it plans to outsource jobs, but when you read stories like this can you blame them, I think Verizon should track down the individuals who were actually doing the work and hire them, they’ll save a lot of money and know that they won’t have to worry about employees spending their days bidding for other people’s unwanted crap on Ebay.   

Paul Salopek is going for 7 year walk

US journalist Paul Salopek is going to spend the next seven years walking from Ethiopia to the tip of South America, retracing the journey of the early humans out of Africa and around the world.

Along the way he’ll be writing articles, shooting videos and tweeting.

Salopek insists he’s not doing this as some kind of extreme sport, his walk is being paid for by National Geographic and although the journey will take seven years he will not be walking every day.

“There will be places where I shall settle for weeks if not months. There will be places where I’ll walk though as quickly as possible said Salopek.

Obvious first question why?

I can understand someone being interested in tracing the routes walked by the first human’s, I can understand wanting to see some of the world’s best locations, I can understand wanting experience different cultures, but why on foot.

To me it’s quite clear cut he just sounds like he wants to be in the Guinness book of records, because he knows no-one else would be remotely interested or sane enough to contemplate attempting to surpass what he’s about to do.  

If he completes his journey and gets back after seven years most people are going to be interested in what he has to say for about seven seconds and then they’ll switch off and just do that polite smile and nod thing that you do when you’re in conversation with a total bore.

Or maybe there’s a different reason, National Geographic are paying for his trip, why for the pictures? They could send anyone to any location he’s going to visit anytime they wanted, so maybe they just want to get him out of the office.

Bizarrely his wife has agreed to this, despite the fact that it will take seven years and the fact that he admits he will be vulnerable to criminals, as western tourists have been kidnapped in areas where he’ll be passing through.

Paul seriously get a hobby, build model trains, take up a sport, do something anything, honestly some people have way too much time on their hands and this is the result.   

999 call takers offered bonuses for sending fewer ambulances

Staff at Britain’s largest ambulance service will be in line for rewards under an incentive scheme if they can reduce the number of ambulances sent to 999 calls.

The scheme, which reports say will involve cash bonuses, has been defended by the London Ambulance Service, said that demand for its services has continued to rise and that a change of policy surrounding the dispatching of ambulances was designed to ensure that they were available for the neediest.

“Traditionally, when people with minor illnesses and injuries call 999, we have sent them an ambulance,” said Paul Woodrow, director of service delivery for London Ambulance Service.

“We are no longer doing this as these patients do not need to be treated by an ambulance crew and they don't require hospital treatment. We need our medics to be available to respond quickly to patients in life-threatening situations or with serious injuries.”

I’m not so sure about the idea of staff receiving a cash bonus for reducing the number of ambulances they send out, because that’s the wrong message to say the less ambulances you send the more you get paid.

But I do support the idea of prioritising where they should be sent and the idea to stop dispatching them to people who simply don’t need them.

Ambulances are there for major emergencies so why should people with minor illnesses and injuries who don’t need hospital treatment be sent one? It’s a no-brainer really

While the bonuses scheme needs a lot of refining the main idea is a good one and I hope that everyone doesn’t get hung up on the financial incentives, because London Ambulance Service are just trying to make more effective and efficient  use of their time and resources.

Rugby player’s dog eats his passport

A Welsh rugby star has had to pull out of a crucial European game in France after his puppy chewed up his passport.

Jason Tovey, 23, was all packed and ready to go to the airport ready to catch a flight to Toulon to play for Cardiff Blues when he found his ruined passport.

He said he was dreading telling his coach that he wouldn’t be able to play, and now has to watch the game on TV instead.

Tovey will also have to pay £103 for a new passport ready for his team’s next match abroad.

Hilarious you can’t make stuff like this up, I would like to know where he left his passport so that his dog could get at it, pretty careless stuff.

At least his dog didn’t do what most would do and leave a steaming Christmas log on it.

I wonder if his teammates will trust him again after this, the next time one of them gets the ball and they see him in space screaming for the ball maybe now they’ll think err I don’t think so.

To be fair everyone  has, at some point, set off on a journey somewhere got half way down the road and thought s**t I forgot this or that, but to let the dog chew up your passport that’s on a different level.  

US shoots down Death Star superlaser petition

The White House has rejected a petition to build a Death Star, a huge battle station armed with a superlaser as seen in Star Wars.

In response a senior US government official said the Obama administration “doesn’t support blowing up planets”.

The official also said the cost of $850 quadrillion was too high.

More than 34,000 people had signed the petition, saying the project would spur job creation and strengthen defence and wanted construction to begin by 2016.

The White House is obliged to respond to all petitions that gain more than 25,000 signatures.

While this is all very humorous and light hearted it’s also a big unnecessary distraction and a big waste of time.

The US government put these measures in place to allow US citizens to have a voice and let their government know which issues they want to see discussed, and in response 34,000 people sign a petition saying can you build us a Death Star.  

Here’s an idea instead of 34,000 people signing a joke petition that wastes everyone’s time, why not sign a petition to get the US government to discuss gun control, shame on you Sci-Fi fans.

Lord Heseltine attacks David Cameron’s EU strategy

Lord Heseltine has criticised the prime ministers European strategy, saying an “ill-advised” referendum would jeopardise the UK’s business prospects.

In interviews with the Financial Times and the Times, David Cameron’s adviser on growth says offering a referendum on the EU would be a “punt”.

The Tory peer also warned that the policy would “drive away inward investment”.

Mr Cameron is expected to announce that the Tories will offer a referendum after the next election, when he gives a speech on the UK’s relationship with Europe later this month.       

I’m not so sure this is the best idea by all means stand up to the EU when you don’t agree with them and do all you can to repatriate as many powers as you can, but leaving all together isn’t the answer.

As much as you may loathe the EU it’s one of those things that we’re better in than out.  

MPs call for 32% salary increase

MPs have suggested a 32% increase in their pay to the Commons expenses watchdog, it has been revealed.

Members said they deserved (interesting word) an £86,250 salary in an anonymous (cowards) survey conducted by the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority (Ipsa).

The Commons voted against a 1% pay rise in 2011 and last year agreed to extend the pay freeze into 2013, but the survey found that 69% thought they were underpaid on their current wage of £65,738.

According to the results Conservative MPs were the most likely to believe they were underpaid, on average Tories said their salary should be £96,740, the Lib Dems thought £78,361 was the right amount and Labour opted for £77,322.

Other parties put the figure at £75,091, with 20% of those questioned saying they should be paid £95,000 or more.

You’ve got to hand it to MPs they may be greedy bastards but at least they’re consistent, and also cowardly they’re happy to say anonymously that they want a 32% wage increase, but I’d love to see one with the guts to say it publicly and would love to see them try to justify it.

What makes this even more laughable is that the MPs voted against a 1% pay rise and voted in favour of a pay freeze to be extended into this year and now they want a 32% increase?

As a member of the great unwashed maybe I’m just too stupid to understand, because the maths doesn’t make much sense to me here.

If MPs salaries were amplified to the desired figure would that mean wages across Britain will see a similar increase?

I think we all know the answer to that, so much for being all in this together.   

UK still has 13,000 Black and White TVs

More than 13,000 households across the UK are still using black and white television sets, according to the TV licensing authority.

However the number of licenses issued each year has dwindled from 212,000 in 2000, but a black and white TV license costs just £49 a year, almost a £100 cheaper than a colour one which will set you back £145.50.

This is an interesting little story, but I fail to see why 13,000 household still have a black and white TV.

In Britain the digital switchover has been completed, over 40% of households own HDTVs, Britons lead the world in accessing TV over the internet on sites like BBC iPlayer, and yet there are still people watching in black and white, what’s going on.

I’ve never understood the appeal of black and white, things look and work so much better in colour.

The world has always been in colour even in the Dark Ages (sorry couldn’t help myself), and it will continue to be in colour for millions of years, until the sun burns itself out.

So those who still have black and white TVs do yourself a favour get rid of them and come and join the rest of us in the 21^st century, and while you’re at it you might also want to chuck out your AGA stoves, metal irons, tin baths, vinyl records, gramophones etc. the worlds moved on, do try to keep up.     

Half of all food is ‘wasted’ claims report

As much as half the world’s food, amounting to a whopping two billion tonnes worth, is being wasted, a UK report has claimed.

The Institution of Mechanical Engineers said the waste was caused by poor storage, strict sell-by dates, bulk offers and consumer fussiness.

The study also found that up to 30% of vegetables in the UK were not harvested because of their physical appearance.

This is pretty shocking stuff, particularly when you consider the amount of people in the world who go days or even weeks without food.

As previously mentioned there are several reasons for this and it sounds like most of them could be solved by customers and suppliers being less fussy and only buying what you actually need.

Of all the crops that are grown and harvested every year of course some batches are going to look a little less appealing but that’s no excuse not to sell them and it certainly isn’t an excuse not to buy them, it’s not like they’re going to taste any different when cooked.  

If supermarkets are worried that customers won’t buy a wonky carrot then drop the price of it by 10% and see how many are wasted then.

Common sense is also a big factor particularly with regards to sell-by dates, supermarkets are so over cautious with them particularly on products like cheese that say on the pack slowly matured for 20 years and right next to it is the phrase please consume within two days of opening.

Mind you this isn’t all entirely the supermarkets fault as there is always one dippy so and so who will eat something even if it’s encased in mould because it’s still a day before the sell-by date, and will end up suing the supermarket even though their illness was caused by their own ineptitude.          

This food wastage problem certainly seems to be a very modern thing, if you take maybe not so much your parents but definitely your grandparents there is always a look of trepidation on their face whenever they have to throw any item of food away even if it’s got a colony of maggots populating it.

So while these statistics are pretty shocking, all it would take is some common sense and a little less fussiness from the consumers and suppliers and this percentage should shrink right down.   

Seven firefighters sent to rescue a squirrel

No this isn’t a joke, you don’t need your eyes testing, I am being serious three fire engines containing at least seven firefighters were dispatched to rescue a squirrel from a pond.

The incident began when a Watford resident spotted a grey squirrel stranded on some reeds in the middle of a pond and called the emergency services, and hey-presto seven firefighters appeared to help the stricken animal to safety by lowering a ladder across the pond to the reeds and the squirrel climbed to safety ah.   

Baffling absolutely baffling this is so hilariously mad what planet is the person who answered the initial call on, if you work for the emergency services answering the phone and you receive a call saying a squirrel needs rescuing what goes through your mind to bring you to the conclusion that sending seven firefighters is the solution.   

Sending one is stupid enough but seven in three fire engines, really! For a squirrel! Did they not think hmm maybe the firefighters have got better things to do with their time than deal with this very low level problem.

Hopefully the only phone the person responsible for this complete howler will be answering is their own to be told they’ve got the sack.    

Coalition audit set to be published

David Cameron and Nick Clegg are set to publish a 36,000 word dossier detailing the progress made on hundreds of the coalition government’s pledges.   

The document is expected to show that the vast majority of aims have been met but does acknowledge some have been missed.

Details of each of the 480 measures in the 2010 coalition agreement are included in the document, which is expected to show that 90% of pledges have been met, however it will also confirm that more than 70 have been missed.

While 90% success rate sounds good as is always the case the stats never tell the full story, and even if 90% have been met the one pledge that this coalition will live or die by is their handling of the economy and the deficit, which at this stage is far too early to begin gauging their performance.

This Mid-Term review is at best very tedious and while it may provide a short term boost in terms of favourable coverage for the government, let’s not lose sight of the real long-term goals.

Father hires virtual assassin to kill his son in online game

A man in China hired virtual assassins to hunt down his son in online video games and kill off his avatar, according to local media.

The man named as Mr Feng was concerned about the amount of time his 23-year-old unemployed son was spending online.

He hoped his actions would deter his son from playing the games, he is reported to have said.

Brilliant, you can’t not smile at stories like this, but it does throw up some questions the most obvious being how do you hire an online hit-man?

Do you go to a dark spooky looking room in a hidden alleyway and instead of finding samurai swords on the wall you see toy lightsabers, and instead of a shady well trained figure you see a heavyset person with glasses slurping on a giant cup of cola?

As hilarious as this is Mr Feng has missed a trick instead of hiring people to kill his son online, he could have got them to hack into his account and delete it or bombard him with emails telling him to get a job.           

Messi wins 4th straight Ballon d’Or

Barcelona and Argentina forward Lionel Messi has been awarded the Ballon d’Or for the fourth year running, beating his club teammate Andres Iniesta and Real Madrid’s Cristiano Ronaldo to the trophy, after a record breaking 2012 which saw him score 91 goals in 69 games.

Was there any doubt? I understood the school of thought that because of Spain’s unprecedented dominance on the international stage it would have been justified to recognise Iniesta, but FIFA should have done that in 2010 and given the award to Xavi.

Due to all of the records Messi broke last year he had to be recognised, and as he’s already scored 36 goals this season and Barcelona have had a record breaking start to the season and look certainties for La Liga, I can almost hear the engraver etching his name onto next year’s award.

Of all the records Messi broke or equalled last year there is one important one that everybody seems to be glazing over, and that is that he equalled Gabriel Batistuta’s record of scoring 12 goals in a calendar year for Argentina, meaning the argument that he doesn’t perform for Argentina can’t be used against him anymore.

The other big award was coach of the year which was rightly given to Vicente Del Bosque, and it was interesting to see that the world team of the year was made up of 11 La Liga players, which again highlights the fact that La Liga is the best league in the world, not the most exciting but the best.